Armed And Safe Parenting

The training company I work for teaches the four traditional gun handling rules popularized by the late Colonel Jeff Cooper. We’ve also added a fifth rule: Always prevent unauthorized access to your firearms. This rule is intended broadly, meaning no one is able to access your handguns except those you intend to allow to do so. One of our most popular and well-known classes is focused on armed parents and solving gun problems when our kids are with us, and an implied task within that skill set is having a gun that can be used defensively when we need it. We coach people on how to apply the Fifth Rule to their lives and families. A quick-access safe near the bed, a lockbox mounted in the car, a retention holster on your body – these can all be part of the solution. Yet the bottom line is this: Your circumstances and your family guide your choices.

How We Carry Matters

Gun and holster selection matter for every armed citizen, but doubly so for parents or anyone around kids. I’m agnostic on what handgun folks carry, as long as it’s reliable, though size matters. Conversely, I’m far stricter about my standards for holsters because holsters are a safety and retention device, and their necessity only increases around kids. Many don’t carry around their kids or at home, fearing their gun may be dislodged during play or normal interaction. This can best be solved by quality holster selection. Selecting a good holster is hugely important, but fortunately the criteria for quality holsters are fairly simple.

1. Purpose Built: I strongly recommend purchasing a holster that was made specifically for your make and model of handgun. Most non-duty holsters made for armed citizens to concealed carry gain their retention not just from friction, but by the trigger guard fitting into a purpose-built groove in the holster that helps hold it in place. Universal holsters often lack proper retention on the trigger guard, or add too much friction, making a rapid draw harder in an emergency.
2. Covered Trigger Guard: A quality holster provides complete coverage of the trigger guard, protecting the trigger from being inadvertently manipulated while the gun is in the holster. I emphasize “complete” because tiny fingers, backpack straps, or jacket toggles might slip into even small gaps and reach the trigger.
3. Adequate Retention: A good holster keeps your gun secure, even when you’re rolling on the floor with your kids. That means it won’t come out unless you deliberately remove it. Most modern holsters offer either built-in or adjustable retention, and must be made specifically for your gun. Some people suggest the “shake test,” putting an unloaded gun in the holster and shaking it upside down. I don’t recommend it. Many OWB holsters rely on belt pressure to keep shape, and IWB holsters rely on your belt to hold tension. A better test? Do 10 jumping jacks, drop to the floor, crawl fast, and stand back up. If your gun stays put, you’re good. If not, start shopping.
4. Bonus – Holster Rigidity: This is mandatory in my classes and strongly recommended for anything you train with. It’s not always essential for low-frequency carry at home, but it is a major safety benefit. A good holster should stay open after the draw, allowing you to holster one-handed without fishing the mouth open. Repeatedly prying a soft holster open with your support hand—especially while pointing a loaded muzzle near it—is asking for a life-changing mistake.

Some moms use belly-bands or soft holsters that collapse when empty. That’s fine (So long as the belly-band has rigid and complete trigger guard coverage) if you’re not drawing and holstering frequently and if you’ve been taught to remove the holster, holster off-body, and then reattach. Life is easier when your holster stays open. It’s a must for training and practice and a strong asset for carry. For belly-band users, I’d suggest modern alternatives like the PHLster Enigma, which is a chassis that marries the best aspects of belly-bands with the best-aspects of quality modern holsters.

The Sweatpants Gun

Around the house, comfort matters. Most people don’t carry at home, presumably because they believe they’re pretty safe and the discomfort of carrying a gun or navigating interacting with their kids isn’t worth it. We all have to make our assessments and the best choices for ourselves, but I do carry at home. I live in a safe area, but life is unpredictable. If someone threatens my family, I don’t want to scramble to remember where my quick-access safe is under extreme stress. Good gun and holster selection makes carrying at home no more troublesome, risky, or uncomfortable than wearing a wristwatch.

If you’re wearing gym shorts or sweatpants as folks do around the house, a full-size pistol in a traditional belt holster typically isn’t going to cut it. Lightweight guns like a snub-nose revolver or micro-compact 9mm shine in this role, paired with quality clips that will grab lightweight shorts. I tighten my drawstring and carry a Ruger LCR in a PHLster City Special or Dark Star Gear Hitchhiker while doing chores and playing with the kids – no downside. If one does want to carry around the house and insists on carrying something larger and heavier, get a chassis system like the Enigma that can support the weight independently of your waistband (It works great with smaller guns as well).

Parting Thought

Carrying a gun around children comes with unique challenges, but they’re manageable. With the right mindset, equipment, and habits, it’s entirely possible to keep your firearm both secure and accessible. There’s no one-size-fits-all answer, but there are solid principles that apply to nearly everyone. Our goal is to protect our kids from all dangers, and by following these principles we can make sure our guns are inaccessible to our kids while still being accessible as a life-saving tool should we ever need a gun to protect our kids and ourselves.