Susan Smith Is Denied Parole 30 Years After Drowning Her Sons. Her Ex-Husband Spoke Out Before Hearing

Susan Smith, the South Carolina mother convicted of killing her two children in 1994, was denied parole on Wednesday, Nov. 20, ABC, NBC and The Washington Post report.

Susan appeared before the parole board Wednesday morning, saying, “I know that what I did was horrible,” CNN reports.

She reportedly added: “I am a Christian and God is a big part of my life and I know he has forgiven me and I know that is by his grace and mercy … And I just ask that you show that same kind of mercy as well.”

Prior to her hearing, on Wednesday morning, Smith’s husband discussed his feelings towards Susan. In an interview with the Today show on Wednesday, David Smith said he doesn’t think Susan should be granted parole after serving 30 years of a life sentence over the drowning deaths of their two sons, who were ages 3 and 14 months, saying it “wasn’t an accident” and that she “deliberately killed” the boys.

“I don’t think she’ll ever be rehabilitated,” he told the news outlet. “I don’t think she’s, even to me, she’s never been really sorry for what she did.”

On Oct. 25, 1994, Susan, then 23, told police that she had been carjacked by a Black man who had taken off with her two young sons still in her car. For nine days, she made tearful pleas on national television for their safe return. But it was all a lie.

As her story began to unravel, Susan admitted that there was no carjacker, and that she had let her car roll into a lake with Michael, 3, and Alex, 14 months, still strapped into their car seats. Authorities said she committed the murders because she was secretly dating a man who didn’t want children. 

The story became international news and was featured on the cover of PEOPLE. Susan was convicted of two counts of murder in 1995 and is serving a life sentence in Leath Correctional Institution in Greenwood, S.C.

David also recounted the dark thoughts he had in the courtroom throughout Susan’s trial, telling the Today show that he “used to sit there and look at the back of her head and then look at where the bailiffs were, the officers were and think about killing her,” per the outlet.

During her time behind bars, Susan received disciplinary infractions for self-mutilation, drug use and possession of narcotics or marijuana, and as a result, she lost multiple privileges, according to records previously obtained by PEOPLE. 

She was also disciplined for having sex with a prison guard, Houston Cagle, in 2000 and a prison captain, Alfred Rowe, the following year. (Cagle pleaded guilty and spent three months in jail and Rowe also pleaded guilty to having sex with Smith and was sentenced to five years probation.)

Want to keep up with the latest crime coverage? Sign up for PEOPLE’s free True Crime newsletter for breaking crime news, ongoing trial coverage and details of intriguing unsolved cases.

In 2015, Susan, who claimed she was misunderstood, defended herself in a letter to The State, a South Carolina newspaper.

“Mr. Cahill, I am not the monster society thinks I am,” she wrote to reporter Harrison Cahill. “I am far from it.”

As for David, he previously opened up in an interview with Court TV about how he has forgiven Susan but that it doesn’t make the pain of losing their sons any easier.

“Yes, I have forgiven her but again that goes to my faith in God and that’s the way I was raised. That we have to forgive,” David told Court TV anchor Julie Grant in September. “But it sure doesn’t take away the act of what she did. It doesn’t make it any less, it doesn’t make it any easier. But I have forgiven her for what she did.”